Please help (a prayer)

~Saturday Stories~

Dear God,

My thoughts are scattered. 

The to-do list is huge.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I haven't been reading

The Bible consistently.

You still hear me, though, right?

I don't have too much time

Left with my family.

I feel so torn. Again. Again.

I feel so happy sometimes 

Then I cry in the bathroom

Because there is a lock there  

Dear God,

I have nothing figured out

No matter how hard I try

Please help

I know you are with me

You hug me so tight

Even if I don't see it right now 

And in the middle of my ache 

You will never leave 

Thank you. I can't thank you enough

How about you? Have you ever felt utterly helpless? How has God made His presence known to you lately?

There is a poll on the left sidebar that I would love if you checked out. It's about how often you think I should post, something I have been thinking about lately and would love your opinion on.  

Picture-Perfect

~Saturday Stories~

Do I look like I know what I’m doing?
They tell me I have more confidence now
When I’ve just become a better actress
It’s fun sometimes to pretend that life’s okay

Other times I just wish no one saw my life
As picture-perfect
Because it’s not even close
And I go to bed praying I don’t wake up

How about you? Have you ever felt that nobody really saw the struggle behind you nice-looking life? Have you given all your cares to the One who will always be there for you? 

Knowing for sure (that you're loved)

~Saturday Stories~

In my room I sit alone 

Wondering what it feels like 

To know for sure that you're loved 

Because in my mind there's always

The possibility of them just being polite

I'm polite sometimes 

Who is to say my friends

Don't simply feel sorry for 

The girl with the dry humor 

Who does not know when to shut up

Who is to say that the times 

I hug my friends they are not wishing

That I go away and leave them alone

Maybe it would be better for everyone  

If I left before they asked me to

I was told today

That that wasn't true

That when he talked to me

It was because he wanted to 

And not because of duty 

God, I don't even know if I can

Believe that anymore. Open my eyes 

And remind me that Your love is incredible 

And You can use others 

To show me that love on earth. 

How much longer will I be okay?

~Saturday Stories~

Despair seems far away 

Loneliness has fled

How much longer will I feel okay? 

I’m scared that if I close 

My eyes it’ll all disappear 

And I’ll be by myself again 

All alone with nobody to hear me 

It is encouraging to know that, no matter how alone we feel, we will never really be alone. No matter how uncertain our future or even our emotions, our God is never-changing.

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;

    never will I forsake you.”[a]" Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8 (NIV)

How about you? Have you ever felt great only to feel horrible soon after? When was a time you had to trust God through all of it?

Worth

~Saturday Stories~

(This is not about my actual yesterday)

It was really loud.

And I had fun. 

I really did. 

Yesterday. 

But I'm pretty sure

I annoyed 

All my friends. 

Just by being me.

And, no, they 

Would never tell me

And it might not even be true

But I feel like I'm the most 

Annoying person ever. 

And today has been 

Marked, for me, 

By the giant belief

That I am worse 

Than what everyone 

Wishes I would be. 

But see, it's probably all me. 

Or most of it. 

And, yes, I know 

I am loved by 

God, family, friends.

But sometimes it feels

Like there's a great chasm 

Between my worth 

And theirs. 

God, let me let go 

Of this fear. 

I hope you don't mind

~Saturday Stories~

I battle the urge to tell you 

Because I've been vulnerable not long ago 

And it would only be annoying if I asked 

For support again

But I can't seem to help it 

I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you

Just tell me and I'll stop

But I've thought this through 

And thought that telling you and easing my own pain

Would be worth the slight aggravation it would cause you

Especially since I would do the same for you

So that is why I'm opening up

I hope you don't mind

"Brothers and sisters, pray for us." 1 Thessalonians 5:25 (NIV)

The hurt feelings that I muffle

~Saturday Stories~

The blue I see in the sky, Lord,
They say I have that in my eyes
But when I look into them, Lord,
I just see the pain and the hurt

The hurt feelings that I muffle
The broken stories I shuffle
Around so nobody will hear them
So nobody will see me torn

The "A"s in my GPA, Lord,
They say reflect my hard work
But when I look at my resume, Lord,
I just see useless unappreciated work

The hurt feelings that I muffle
The broken stories that I shuffle
Around so nobody will hear them
So nobody will see me torn

The time on that clock, Lord,
Says I run fast and can do much
But when I see that time, Lord,
I see the time that I waste beating myself up

The hurt feelings that I muffle
The broken stories that I shuffle
Around so nobody will hear them
So nobody will see me torn

Let me open up, Lord,
You know how hard it is
Where I am, Lord,
And everyone seems to have
Bigger problems than me, Lord,
So I shut my mouth up
And don't speak out loud, Lord

Let me open up, Lord,
You didn't make this path for me
To travel all alone, Lord,
You said You'd never leave me,
So just let me open up and be healed, Lord
There are people who would listen
But I bottle myself up, Lord
I say my problems don't matter
While I fail at solving them all, Lord

Lord, just let me open up
Heal me by Your grace
Let me taste Your love
Let me feel Your peace
I can't solve my problems,
I'm the epitome of weak
But You have my hand
And You can heal

You can heal

I'm doing well?

~Saturday Stories~

I'm doing well.
What about you?
School is pretty good;
The homework load okay.
I have a couple papers due,
But it's all manageable.
Made friendships over the summer;
Continued them in the fall.
Roommates? Roommates are good.
We get along well, yes.
Just "As" and "Bs"
I probably get more sleep now
Than I did last year.
Work is manageable.
Finances look okay.
Church is supportive.
All's good, right?
Right?

If on the outside everything looks good,
That doesn't mean I feel good.
I can smile to you
And cry five minutes later.
Don't just ask me questions.
Look into my eyes,
Spend time with me,
Pour into my life.
Then feel free to ask me questions.
And pressure me for honest answers

Being nice while being honest

~Saturday Stories~

Sometimes we just want to
Drop the mask that says we're all alright
But we do it in a way
That shows everyone that
We're ticked off
We're #nofilter
In the ugliest way
But we justify ourselves
By "just being honest"
Seriously?
If we can't be nice when we're honest
Perhaps we should keep the happy mask on
Or if we want to be true
Can we not hurt anyone in the process?

"“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”" John 13:34-35 (NIV)

Sorry to everyone I've hurt lately.

How about you? Are you ever rude to people that are near to you? 

You know that pain

~Saturday Stories~

1. You know that pain
That you don't let yourself feel
You know that ache
When you try to make yourself numb
You know that hurt
That you don't remind yourself of
You know...

Chorus:
So you box if up
In a neat, neat box
And send it far away
I don't want to deal with this now
So you block it off
And you build a wall
No one can see and you're all alone
No, I don't need any help right now

2. You know that pain
That invades you when you're all alone
You know that ache
When you can't take it anymore
You know that hurt
That haunts you in your dreams
You know...

Chorus:
Still, you box if up
In a neat, neat box
And send it far away
I don't want to deal with this now
So you block it off
And you build a wall
No one can see and you're all alone
No, I don't need any help right now

3. That pain, that ache
You know how much it hurts
Those screams, those tears
When you think no one else will know
Those cries for help
Uttered in the darkness
So,

Chorus:
Please don't box it up
In any box
Open it up
You need to deal with this now
Please don't block it off
Or build a wall
God sees you when you're all alone
We all need help right now

Bridge:
What if you said
I can open up now
What if you said
God, help me with my healing x2

Chorus:
I won't box it up
In any box
I'll open up
'Cause I need to deal with thiis now
I won't block it off
I'll tear down that wall
God sees me when I'm all alone
I need help right now

Why?

~Saturday Stories~ 

Sometimes
I don't understand WHY
And I think
I understand WHO
So I blame
The Creator for WHAT
We have messed up

Look to
The Bible WHERE
God tells you
That He saved us WHEN
We were in sin

HOW? Love
His amazing love

How about you? Have you ever struggled with something and wondered why God would let such a thing happen? 

Happy endings

~Saturday Stories~

I just finished reading a story
That was bursting with hope
And, sure, it was dark sometimes
But everyone pulled thru in the end
I wonder if that’s because
It’s just a story
Or do things really happen that way
And can I, in moments of despair,
Assume that the words before “the end”
Will be happy ones

No matter how dark our stories are, God always knows what He is doing. He love us so much. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us." Romans 8:28-34 (NIV)

The battle is not with human beings

~Saturday Stories~

I wrote this after reading Shannon Dittemore’s amazing book Angel Eyes. 

The world is full of

Noises we do not hear

Sights we do not see

Truths we do not understand

We think this world is all there is

But how blind that idea

How ignorant, how destructive

Does God’s Word not warn us

That the battle is not with human beings

But with the powers of darkness

That we as humans do not see

But that are nonetheless existent

Yet let us not forget

A truth so bright it blinds in a new way

That God has power over all

And the enemy has no chance

Against the might of the Almighty 

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 1 John 4:4 (NIV)

Amen! 

Help me be okay with that

~Saturday Stories~

I realize that this is a song from a girl's perspective. I hope you don't mind.


Lord, I can't do this without You, can't do this without you
I really want him to hold me, really want him to hold me
But if he never does, oh, if he never does
Help me be okay with that, Lord,
Help me be okay with that, Lord

It truly hurts every time it gets to me
That he's not looking, he's not looking at me
He's talking with that girl, hugging with that one
I want to be the one in his arms.
No eye contact for more than a second,
No smile or even asking how I'm doing,
No high five, no pat on the back,
Oh, I do want to be the one in his arms,
Does he not see that? Does he not see that?

Lord, I can't do this without You, can't do this without you 

I really want him to hold me, really want him to hold me

But if he never does, oh, if he never does 

Help me be okay with that, Lord, 

Help me be okay with that, Lord

How about you? Have you had a tough time with or without a boyfriend/girlfriend? How has God seen you through? 

On our own vs by God's grace

~Saturday Stories~

On our own we are

Sinful

Burdened

Weak 

Dirty

Scorned

Alone

So messed up. 

By God's grace, we are

Forgiven - 1 John 1:9

Helped - Psalm 54:4

Nourished - Matthew 4:4

Cleansed - Isaiah 1:18

Loved - Romans 5:8

Wanted - Revelation 3:20

By such an amazing God

No matter how I'm doing right now

~Saturday Stories~

I'll praise You when I'm living off two dollars
I'll praise You when I'm buying a new TV
I'll praise You when my mom gets cancer
I'll praise You when she's cancer-free

I'll praise You when I'm getting straight As
I'll praise You when 70 is my best
I'll praise You when I come in first
And I'll praise You when I come in last


'Cause You are, You are, You're worthy of my praise
That holds no matter where I am.
You are, You are, You're the Almighty Creator
No matter how I'm doing right now


I'll praise You when I have my first kiss
I'll praise You when he rapes me
I'll praise You when my parents divorce
I'll praise You when they're together and happy

I'll praise You when my baby sister is born
I'll praise You when You take her back
I'll praise You when peace is won
I'll praise You in another attack .


'Cause You are, You are, You're worthy of my praise
That holds no matter where I am.
You are, You are, You're the Almighty Creator
No matter how I'm doing right now


Bridge:
I don't promise I'll be quiet.
I'll kick and scream and I'll doubt You
But even then You are my God
And I I I I I I'll praise You


Praising God in hard circumstances is so hard! But He is always there, with us through everything. Amen! Amen! Amen! 

She had changed; I had changed

~Friday for Friends~

My stomach pinched and tears were about to slide down my face. She had been my best friend and now I didn’t know what to say to her. I turned my head away. I had waited so long to see her, and now what? My mouth felt dry. She had changed; I had changed. At 12 years-old rekindling old friendships seemed an impossible hurdle. I painfully let go of that friendship that had meant so much to me.

Even though I've made friends since then, that pain left a deep scar.

How about you? Have you ever had a painful experience with a friendship? How has God helped you through it? Or, if you still feel the pain, what bits of encouragement have you heard/felt/read from Him?  

A reason to fight

~Saturday Stories~

You go to school, 

You come back

Five hours of homework 

In your backpack 

And you try to smile at Dad 

When he asks

How you're doing 

Cause you don't want him to know that

Life sucks at the moment 

And it all seems hopeless

And you're putting up a fight 

But don't remember what the point is 

And you're tired of the pain

And you're tired of the bruises 

And the pills in the cupboard 

Get more and more use now 

Might've not hit rock bottom

But it's worse than normal 

And you're trying to find a reason 

To live until tomorrow

Look up now, look up now

There's a reason to fight

There's a reason to hope 

There's always, always a reason to go on

There is Someone to hope in 

There is Someone to trust 

Not sayin' life will be perfect 

But it's better than what you've got 

There's a reason to fight 

Look up now, look up now

You go to school, 

You look around

Five hundred lost kids 

Milling about  

And you smile at Dad 

When he asks

How you're doing 

Cause you want him to know that

Life's awesome at the moment 

And it all seems hopeful 

And you're putting up a fight 

But you know what the point of is 

And you're tired of the pain

And you're tired of the bruises 

But you know the One 

Who'll help you stop using 

Might not be extremely happy

But it's better than normal 

Cause you've found a reason 

To live until tomorrow 

Look up now, look up now

There's a reason to fight

There's a reason to hope 

There's always, always a reason to go on

There is Someone to hope in 

There is Someone to trust 

Not sayin' life will be perfect 

But it's better than what you've got 

There's a reason to fight

Cause we've had our low spots 

We've all had our dark days 

We've all had our storms 

That didn't seem to pass away. 

We've all had our nightmares 

We've all had our hearts split 

We've all had a time 

When the devil seemed to win 

But. Now. We. Know.

There's a reason to fight

There's a reason to hope 

There's always, always a reason to go on

There is Someone to hope in 

There is Someone to trust 

Not sayin' life will be perfect 

But it's better than what you've got

There's a reason to fight 

There's a reason to hope 

There's always, always a reason to go on

There is Someone to hope in 

There is Someone to trust 

Not sayin' life will be perfect 

But it's better than what you've got 

There's a reason to fight 

The beauty

~Saturday Story~

The description is based on this picture by I. I. Levitan (seen by me without the frame).  

  As I stand on the bank of the Kama river, I marvel at the beauty of nature. The water glitters, reflecting the sun and woods. Somehow little birches and other trees manage to grow right in the water. The setting sun casts long shadows on the bank. Not far away a small old rowboat rocks back and forth on the waves. I wonder whose it is and why it is there. On the other bank, about a mile away, I can see little cabins.
  After a while, I go home, but this scene will never leave my mind.


"3 For the Lord is the great God,
    the great King above all gods.
4 In his hand are the depths of the earth,
    and the mountain peaks belong to him.
5 The sea is his, for he made it,
    and his hands formed the dry land." Psalm 95:3-5 (NIV)

Isn't it amazing how beautiful God's creation is? 

The Gift of Vulnerability

~Saturday Stories~

    Arielle maneuvered through the crowd following Mrs. Hale to a table. “Talk to me,” the teacher’s voice flowed softly. Arielle sat down drumming her fingers on the table. Her heart constricted with relief, while her mind screamed at her to run away.
   “You said you felt jealous, stupid, and ugly.” Arielle glanced at Mrs. Hale for a second, then turned away.  A number of months had passed since she had first caved in and called herself stupid. Too many beautiful, smart, and outgoing people had surrounded her to think that she would ever measure up. She had never met the expectations.
     “The devil’s feeding you a lie.” Arielle shook her head. She could not, would not believe that. How come, then, no one cared at all? Scenes of crying in bed, screaming at herself, and shrieking just to let the emotions out passed through her mind. She should stop the conversation. Had she not vowed to never go all vulnerable on anyone?
     “God loves you.” Mrs. Hale peered into Arielle’s eyes. Arielle played around with the table top. She believed it, but rarely felt it. Even so, the fact that God loved her did not mean she needed to value herself. She had not found any passage in the Bible that commanded people to accept themselves. Maybe God had crafted a lovely brilliant kid, but then she screwed it all up.
     “I care too,” Mrs. Hale’s deep soft voice permeated through Arielle’s slowly dissolving bubble. “I love you.” Arielle’s throat clogged up. She closed her eyes for a second. She had longed for a conversation like this for years yet had never allowed herself to fully trust others.
     “You are beautiful, Arielle. You are loved.” Through the blur of tears, she searched Mrs. Hale’s eyes for sarcasm or falseness but found none. She bit her lip. Did she dare? She opened her mouth, and words spilled out. Between tears pouring down and sobs ringing out Arielle spoke of her hidden emotions and troubles, opening the door to her story.
     Peace and love, two of the Lord’s many gifts, penetrated Arielle’s heart that day. The process of healing had begun.


How about you? Have you ever struggled with who you are and why you are here? How has God helped you? Did He place specific people in your life?