~Friday for Friends~
In
Russia children play a game where half of the crowd stands in a line and holds
hands. A kid from the opposing team charges between one person and another.
They, in turn, have to hold on to each other and not let go. I have learned the
importance of sticking with family and friends no matter what after I gave up
on a friendship back in seventh grade.
This
friendship bloomed in first and second grade. We hung out at school, visited
each other, and wore matching clothes. I could tell you in a heartbeat that she
meant a lot to me.
A
quarter into second grade I moved. Dad’s “home assignment” as a missionary drew
to a close, and we flew back to Russia. Certain that this friendship could
handle anything, I typed up emails for Dad to send. Even when after a few years
she stopped writing back, I envisioned my next trip to the States. I hoped that
proximity would lift the barriers between us and make our friendship solid
again.
The
June before seventh grade our family flew to the States, and the long-awaited
meeting came. However, time had passed. She had changed; I had changed. We both
sat in the swimming pool only a few feet from each other, but a world apart
from one another’s hearts. Both pretty shy we hadn’t yet acquired the skill of
small talk so indispensible in such situations. Mom encouraged me, saying it
would get better as time went, but I didn’t take the time.
I
gave up. I chose comfort over reconnecting and avoidance over perseverance
ultimately letting go of that friendship. We didn’t see each other more than
half a dozen times over the seventh-month stay.
Mistakes
productively manufacture guilt, hurt, and fear. However, I know that God can break this chain.
He presents us with forgiveness (1 John 1:9), heals our wounds (Psalm 147:3),
and calms our fears (Zephaniah 3:17, NLT). He also gives second chances (for
example, John 8:1-11).
The
same year I made the mistake of giving up God brought a new friend into my
life. Then, once again, I moved. For a long time fear crept into that
relationship. The fear of a repeat kept me awake in bed, crying, wondering if
this friendship would end in the same way.
Despite
my past mistakes, God has helped me and has pulled me through. This year, four
and a half years later, I have come back to the States. This month I had the
opportunity to see my new friend again. We met and we scraped up enough words
for an almost-normal conversation. We went to the same party and laughed at the
same jokes. I emailed her my fears and she answered with a certainty that quieted
me. The fear my mistake created is being eased down.
From
this experienced I learned more than just not giving up on relationships. I
have also learned the importance of constant communication, the value of
keeping in contact over long distances, long years, and hard times. Now in the
States, I purposefully try to keep in touch with my friends half way around the
world. I see it as vital enough to be worth the effort.
Letting
go of one person doesn’t mean I’m destined to fail at friendships. Although my
shyness and the decision to not overcome it lost me a friend, through His grace
God gave me a new one. Now I strive to keep in contact with others and to not
give up on relationships.
