My Monday Minute Challenge entry

~Saturday Stories~

I haven’t yet finished reading the pretty long (and interesting) Candle in the Darkness by Lynn Austin. So, the review will be up next week hopefully. For now, I want to share one of my own writings. Here is what I wrote for the Monday Minute Challenge at Christiswrite.blogspot.ru this week. First time I ever joined in that, by the way.  The prompt sentence was “Everyone told me not to blame myself but I knew, deep down, that I could have prevented it.” I changed it to present tense and here’s what I got (with a small change later): 

Everyone tells me not to blame myself but I know, deep down, that I could have prevented it. I had Mom video tape the game and after watching the last few plays before getting on the bus I can recite every wrong move and turn I made. I needed to pass to Kelley, not Anna. I needed to turn right, not left. I needed to hit that ball with my head instead of waiting for it to reach my thigh. If I could just throw my life in reverse and go and change all that. We would have won those finals. But now all we have is this – driving home with the team in silence. Complete silence. For all forty five minutes of the way. I glance around at the faces I love. Kelley, the swift and energetic forward turning to the window so we won’t see the tears. Anna, the strategy-loving midfielder with the most beautiful smile which she tries to muster. Andria, the always watchful goalie with her head bent somewhat. I know she’s also reciting to herself what she did wrong. But that’s just the thing. Everyone did just what was needed with the right passes and the quick moves. If only I had been…. And to think I was the team captain. The captain that let them all down. “I’m sorry” I whisper into the silence. I close my eyes and can feel the tears rolling down. And then I hear it. “We all make mistakes, girl. It’ll be OK.” I know it’s my coach and he’s talking about the game, but I have a feeling that this could apply to all my life, to all those times I’m beating myself up for not being perfect. And maybe Someone else wants me to hear that too. I wipe my tears and slowly nod. 

What do you think of it? Any suggestions to make it better? Have you ever participated in the challenge?